Merry Christmas Mom

Just cause my mom is dead doesn't change anything...
I loved my mom with my whole heart and I still do.




She loved Tony Bennett...and the first video is what my childhood looked like...
Judy Garland was another favorite in the house...and, well, growing up in the BayArea...San Francisco is the Center of the Universe.

I was a strange child I guess because I never went through "I can't stand my mom" phase.
Maybe because I got so little of her that I craved her constantly.
I think most children do crave their moms and dads, and they think they never get enough attention.
But with me, since I had to live apart from her for so many years as little little girl... I treasured the time I had. She gave me permission to be imperfect and odd. She demanded good behavior from me...well, she demanded truthfulness and honesty, and iced with tact if at all possible.



She was smart as a whip, and I get my whipsmartass attitude from her.
I treasure my weird sick odd childhood. I got to see so much and that made me both surprised by bullshit when it happens and also so jaded that I have a way of dealing with the bullshit...
I love the crazy half-ass way she did the whole Xmas thing...she'd make a big deal of it all, but then she'd set aside one day in late December to get really stinking drunk. I always had the best presents...she knew exactly the thing I really really wanted.

I tossed this one in the mix, because she'd have loved kd lang.



My oldest daughter has the pictures of Xmas 1970. Plastic drapes from Woolworths, cat-scratched dirty gray furniture, the dog scratching his many fleas, wobbly plant stand of her orchids...



And finally this Tony Bennett song...that Shields and Yarnell did also....because, Smile...it beats the Eternal Dirt Nap...
Merry god damn Xmas Mom...I know I was your favorite after Leland died...