Thursday, February 18, 2010

It Is All About Karl !!

Who is Karl?
we'll get to that in a minute..

Remember when my car had it's inner guts tampered with? Yes. good.
While it was being repaired at the Mechanic it developed this horrific putrefying baby-Bambi-and-a-herd-of-lemurs-killing... odor inside the car ! Yes. bad.

Big Lebowski reference #1...
[after recovering his car from the Auto circus]
The Dude: Oh, Jesus, what's that smell, man?
Auto Circus Cop: Yes, probably a vagrant slept in the car. Or maybe just used it as a toilet and moved on.

Mark and I traced it down to the front passenger floor mats and long story short....they are now buried in the Tacoma Dump for some future digger to discover...(sorry.) But the carpet held on to the a baby grips your lips and won't let go until you break/unwrap his fat little fingers from your mouth......

We sprayed it with that Cat Puke digester stuff you buy at the Fred Meyer, the one you mix with warm water just Seconds Before You Need To Use It...
Still STANK.

Then we tried Forest Flowers of Mars scent Lysol Spray in a can........
That helped. I hate Lysol. It smells like a decaying stomach operation and a demented grandpa TV chair......
So I like to avoid Lysol.
Mark and I even had a bit of a "dust up" over my sensible/crazy hatred of Lysol.

But while perusing the line up of Products To Make You Impressive To Others (aka...Scent Products For Your Home and Car) at the Albertsons...
I found this pretty can of spray Lysol that doesn't smell like Lysol, or a surgical procedure from the 1920s or a dog urine chair/potty.

So I sprayed my carpet ...again and again....and again.
The smell was quite masked. But. Still. There.

I just gave up for 2 weeks and decided I was just gonna have to pretend my life was going just fine despite having a Toxic Bomb for a car.

Mark had a secret weapon....Why did he save the Best for Last?

A couple of years ago he took possession of a "used car" and in the back seat was forgotten bottle of
KARL LAGERFELD men's cologne.
So. f'n. Trashy. But, hey it smelled good !

I mean, it's Karl f'n Lagerfeld ....(you can buy it at Sears)...
Every once in awhile we'd squirt a bit in the bathroom for "those special occasions"..
Hey, it smelled good !

The other night Mark and I decided to drive my car to get some viddles Jethro, and he carried a small black vial of some mystery substance with him........
He showed me the KARL...

...and said this was a last ditch effort before we pay Mr. Bueno a small sum to steal the car and light it on fire.

I told Mark that KARL was superspecialchilipeppercoagulated, and to please, only splash a drop or 2 on the carpet for fear of burning the carpet right then and there, without the benefit of Mr. Bueno "stealing" the car for "show business"
At first my eyes burned and my nose dripped, and my ears rang as the KARL seeped into the putrifying carpet....

Big Lebowski reference #2...
We started joking about "Karl"...and since my car sports at least 2 Big Lebowski bumper stickers, our jokes also included "Karl" the man who comes to fix the cobble.
[Maude shows the porn video starring Bunny to the Dude]
Sherry in 'Logjammin': [on video] You must be here to fix the cable.
Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
The Dude: He fixes the cable?
Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

It's all about Karl !

Even A Dress A Day bows to the greatness that is KARL !!

We rolled our windows down as we drove my hooptie to North Compton to have a nice dinner of Harbor Lights martinis.

On the way home, a tidy little jaunt of just a mile or 2 down Ruston Way to Pacific Ave, and to home......a Miracle Occured.

The stench has Left The Carpet !!!!
Well, that and the sunshine in the last few days, I'm sure.

He's a f'n GENIUS.

I think his marketing department needs this story.